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SpanishChange the questions to change the culture
By the time you finish reading this sentence another woman will become a victim of domestic violence. In the U.S., a woman is battered every nine seconds. More than three women are murdered each day by a current or former partner. More than ten million children are exposed to this abuse.
October is National Domestic Abuse Awareness Month; a time to focus attention on a crime that is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44—more common than automobile accidents, muggings AND cancer deaths COMBINED.
Unfortunately, this is not someone else’s problem. With nearly one in four women beaten or raped by a partner during adulthood, there is a good chance someone you know is a survivor. Many parents have recently sent their children off to college—it is beyond upsetting to know that 32% of college students report they have experienced dating violence by a current or former partner.
What can we do about a problem so firmly rooted in our culture? Perhaps the solution can be found in the question; the right question. Instead of asking questions that scrutinize and blame victims such as, “Why didn’t she leave him,” we should be asking questions that focus on the real issue:
• “Why does he feel entitled to abuse, hurt and/or kill his partner?”
• “Why does he continue the abusive and controlling behavior over and over?”
• “What conditions in the community condone and/or promote domestic violence?”
Entitlement is the belief that one is deserving of, or entitled to, certain privileges. Those who perpetrate domestic abuse/dating violence feel entitled to control their partners by telling them who they can to talk to, what to wear, how to act and how often to check in. Emotional, verbal, financial, technological, physical, and sexual abuse help an abuser exert control over another person. When that control is threatened, the abuser often escalates the abusive behavior in an effort to regain or maintain control in the relationship.
Beyond asking questions to help find a solution, here are a few other actions we can take.
• As parents and/or role models, teach young people that no one has the right to control them and they do not have the right to control other people. Convey to them that love is about respect, trust and honesty – not jealousy, anger and control. When we see examples to the contrary – in movies, ads, TV shows or daily life—talk about it, question it.
• Believe survivors and hold the perpetrators of these crimes accountable for their behavior – no matter if it is a highly paid NFL player, the clean-cut guy your daughter is dating, or a highly respected local business owner.
If you have questions regarding domestic abuse or dating violence, contact the Women’s Resource Center of Northern Michigan’s (WRCNM) 24-hour crisis and information line at (231) 347-0082 or (800) 275-1995 for long distance callers. The WRCNM is also available to speak with social, civic, faith-based groups, as well as schools and businesses.
October is National Domestic Abuse Awareness Month; a time to focus attention on a crime that is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44—more common than automobile accidents, muggings AND cancer deaths COMBINED.
Unfortunately, this is not someone else’s problem. With nearly one in four women beaten or raped by a partner during adulthood, there is a good chance someone you know is a survivor. Many parents have recently sent their children off to college—it is beyond upsetting to know that 32% of college students report they have experienced dating violence by a current or former partner.
What can we do about a problem so firmly rooted in our culture? Perhaps the solution can be found in the question; the right question. Instead of asking questions that scrutinize and blame victims such as, “Why didn’t she leave him,” we should be asking questions that focus on the real issue:
• “Why does he feel entitled to abuse, hurt and/or kill his partner?”
• “Why does he continue the abusive and controlling behavior over and over?”
• “What conditions in the community condone and/or promote domestic violence?”
Entitlement is the belief that one is deserving of, or entitled to, certain privileges. Those who perpetrate domestic abuse/dating violence feel entitled to control their partners by telling them who they can to talk to, what to wear, how to act and how often to check in. Emotional, verbal, financial, technological, physical, and sexual abuse help an abuser exert control over another person. When that control is threatened, the abuser often escalates the abusive behavior in an effort to regain or maintain control in the relationship.
Beyond asking questions to help find a solution, here are a few other actions we can take.
• As parents and/or role models, teach young people that no one has the right to control them and they do not have the right to control other people. Convey to them that love is about respect, trust and honesty – not jealousy, anger and control. When we see examples to the contrary – in movies, ads, TV shows or daily life—talk about it, question it.
• Believe survivors and hold the perpetrators of these crimes accountable for their behavior – no matter if it is a highly paid NFL player, the clean-cut guy your daughter is dating, or a highly respected local business owner.
If you have questions regarding domestic abuse or dating violence, contact the Women’s Resource Center of Northern Michigan’s (WRCNM) 24-hour crisis and information line at (231) 347-0082 or (800) 275-1995 for long distance callers. The WRCNM is also available to speak with social, civic, faith-based groups, as well as schools and businesses.