On May 9, 1914, President Woodrow Wilson proclaimed the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day.  This special day reminds us to do what we should do every day:  honor, respect and pay tribute to our mothers.  The dictionary defines honor as a showing of unusually merited respect or recognition.  On May 12 of this year, that will translate into activities to commemorate our mothers such as sending a greeting card or flowers, calling, visiting or taking her out to eat. 

While these tokens of appreciation are surely valued and enjoyed, there remains a sense that Mothers deserve more than a single day of recognition and honor.  After all, if it were not for our mother’s we wouldn’t even be here!  Should we not honor, respect and treat our mother with the highest level of esteem every day of the year?  Our words, actions and behavior toward our mothers should be a manifestation of this respect.  How mothers are treated daily by their spouses and intimate partners also teach our children about respect, empathy, compassion and equality.

Motherhood is difficult on the best of days.  For those experiencing domestic abuse, the challenges increase dramatically and may include verbal, emotional, sexual and physical abuse from a spouse or intimate partner.  In fact, one in four women will experience domestic abuse during her lifetime.  Domestic violence continues to be a national health crisis of epidemic proportions.  Abuse is often witnessed by children in the household; in the U.S., there are 15.5 million children living in families in which domestic violence has occurred.

Over the years, many hundreds of survivors in northern Michigan have sought support and security for themselves and their children at the Safe Home, operated 24/7 by the Women’s Resource Center of Northern Michigan.  They come for temporary refuge from the perils of domestic abuse.  They also come out of hope for a better, safer future.  Thousands more have been provided support through non-residential domestic abuse services.

“The violence got to be too much and I was so scared and determined to create a safe and secure life for me and my boys,” said one survivor who had stayed at the Safe Home.  After she left her abusive partner, she asked herself, “How am I going to feed my kids, get into our own home and get myself emotionally and spiritually through this while caring for my boys, meeting their needs and helping them with their losses?”

Would the person who threatens, demeans, humiliates or physically harms his partner treat his own mother this way?  Would he want his own mother to be on the receiving end of such abusive behavior?  Can a person who enacts this type of violence have respect for any woman or human?

Let’s celebrate our mothers on Mother’s Day.  Yet, beyond this single day, the challenge will be to practice respect for other people including our mothers, daughters, sisters, grandmothers and partners on a daily basis.   That may require a refusal to buy into the advertisements, video games, movies, music and magazines that make violence commonplace, normal and acceptable in our society.  It involves establishing the concepts of respect, diversity and equality with young people to help eliminate bullying and dating violence.  It means holding perpetrators of domestic abuse accountable for their actions.  It means friends, family and community members no longer “looking the other way”, but reporting abuse, offering the victim support or letting their non-acceptance be known.

When women can live in their own homes free of fear, intimidation, humiliation and violence then we will truly have a day to celebrate.