It’s a worn out question: why would someone choose to not report a sexual assault? This question has been asked repeatedly in our nation, in our own beautiful northern Michigan communities and within our daily lives, but it only serves to silence survivors. The simple answer is that our society choses to question, doubt and blame instead of support survivors by taking them seriously, treating them with respect and dignity and ensuring they have access to services to help them in their healing journey.

Beyond examining how our culture treats survivors when they do come forward, we need to address the question from the survivors’ perspective. Below are the most significant reasons sexual assault survivors do not come forward (adapted from writings by Beverly Engle, a psychotherapist and best-selling author on the issues of domestic abuse and sexual assault):

Shame is at the core of the intense emotional wounding women and men experience when they are sexually violated. Shame makes people feel unworthy, isolated, they turn inward because they feel unworthy to be around others. When society accuses survivors of causing the harassment/assault with statements that question what they were wearing and if they had too much to drink, the shame is compounded.

Denial that the harassment or assault was actually abusive, they try to minimize it and put it behind them. They also think they are the only one to be harassed/victimized by the perpetrator and until they hear of someone else’s similar experience, realize the person is a serial abuser.

Fear of the consequences of disclosing harassment/assault is a real obstacle for survivors: fear of losing their job, fear they won’t find another job, fear they’ll be passed over for a promotion, fear of losing credibility, fear of being branded a troublemaker, fear of being ostracized in their industry, fear of public humiliation, fear of their physical safety; fear they won’t be believed, fear they’ll be blamed, fear they’ll be judged, fear there won’t be enough evidence, fear of reliving it. Finally, if they overcome these fears and speak out, will it even matter?

If we are to move forward we have to change. That means changing the questions we ask to shift our focus from the survivor to the perpetrator. Instead, let us offer survivors compassion, encouragement, support and choices in their quest of justice and healing.

Sexual assault disclosures will continue to occur, as long as sexual assault exists. There will come a time when you know the alleged perpetrator, or perhaps the survivor, as someone in the community or someone close to you. Are you ready to respond with support and openness that validates the survivor and shows this behavior is wrong? Are you ready to hold offenders accountable? Are you ready to be part of the solution in ending violence against women?

How will you respond, who will you choose to stand with, and what will you choose to stand for? Women’s Resource Center of Northern Michigan stands with survivors.

For immediate help or information, call the Women’s Resource Center of Northern Michigan’s 24-hour crisis and information line at (231) 347-0082 or (800) 275-1995.


Submitted by Gail Kloss, Executive Director, Women’s Resource Center of Northern Michigan